1 00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:10,467 - From beautiful Gusman Hall in Miami, 2 00:00:10,467 --> 00:00:13,700 the sun and fun capital of the world, 3 00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:17,400 Jackie Gleason presents-- 4 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:20,867 [MUSIC PLAYING] 5 00:00:27,333 --> 00:00:33,000 --"The Honeymooners," starring Jackie Gleason and Art Carney, 6 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:36,200 Audrey Meadows and Jane Kean. 7 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,300 "And Away We Go!" 8 00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:41,734 [MUSIC PLAYING] 9 00:01:00,133 --> 00:01:01,133 - Hi, Alice. 10 00:01:01,133 --> 00:01:02,367 - Oh, hi, Trix. 11 00:01:02,367 --> 00:01:04,633 - How's the silver anniversary girl today, huh? 12 00:01:04,633 --> 00:01:06,033 - Oh, Trixie, please. 13 00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:07,934 You make me sound so ancient. 14 00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:10,333 After all, I still don't have any gray hairs, you know? 15 00:01:10,333 --> 00:01:11,333 - I know. 16 00:01:11,333 --> 00:01:13,066 You must use the same stuff I do. 17 00:01:13,066 --> 00:01:16,066 - Oh. 18 00:01:16,066 --> 00:01:18,100 - I was down here earlier and you weren't home. 19 00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:19,100 - Oh yeah? - Mm-hmm. 20 00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:21,934 - Well, you know, since Mrs. Manicotti got that job, 21 00:01:21,934 --> 00:01:24,633 I kind of told her that I'd keep an eye on her kids. 22 00:01:24,633 --> 00:01:26,834 So today when I went down there, little Tommy, 23 00:01:26,834 --> 00:01:29,533 well, it seems that he got a live rabbit for his birthday. 24 00:01:29,533 --> 00:01:31,000 And the poor thing was so sick. 25 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,767 And there was nothing I could do except 26 00:01:32,767 --> 00:01:35,233 take Tommy and the rabbit to the vet on Halsey Street. 27 00:01:35,233 --> 00:01:36,700 - Well, how did things go? 28 00:01:36,700 --> 00:01:37,967 - Oh, not too good. 29 00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:39,967 We had to leave the rabbit there. 30 00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,800 The vet said he's in terrible shape. 31 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,633 - Oh, Tommy must have been heartbroken. 32 00:01:43,633 --> 00:01:45,066 - Oh, you know it. 33 00:01:45,066 --> 00:01:47,734 But fortunately, on the way home a stray cat followed us. 34 00:01:47,734 --> 00:01:49,433 So now the kid has a new pet. - Oh. 35 00:01:49,433 --> 00:01:50,633 [LAUGHING] 36 00:01:50,633 --> 00:01:52,667 - Oh, Trixie, please don't breathe a word of this 37 00:01:52,667 --> 00:01:53,667 to Ralph. 38 00:01:53,667 --> 00:01:55,800 He says that I worry more about the neighbors 39 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,533 than I do about him. 40 00:01:57,533 --> 00:01:59,633 - Norton says the same thing about me. 41 00:01:59,633 --> 00:02:00,967 But it's not true. 42 00:02:00,967 --> 00:02:03,567 If he was sick, I'd take him to the vet just like that. 43 00:02:03,567 --> 00:02:05,433 [LAUGHING] 44 00:02:10,567 --> 00:02:11,834 What's that you're knitting? 45 00:02:11,834 --> 00:02:13,166 - It's a cover for Ralph's bowling ball. 46 00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:14,166 - Yeah? 47 00:02:14,166 --> 00:02:16,133 - It's supposed to keep the ball from getting scratched. 48 00:02:16,133 --> 00:02:17,433 I knitted him these mittens. 49 00:02:17,433 --> 00:02:19,633 They're going to come in handy, too, on a cold winter 50 00:02:19,633 --> 00:02:21,400 day on the bus. - Oh, I'll bet. 51 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,967 - See, I decided that instead of one big gift 52 00:02:23,967 --> 00:02:26,667 for our anniversary, I'd just make a few small, useful gifts 53 00:02:26,667 --> 00:02:28,867 like these. - Good idea. 54 00:02:28,867 --> 00:02:30,600 - Oh, wow. Look at the time. 55 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:31,600 He'll be home any minute. 56 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,133 I've got to get this stuff out of sight. 57 00:02:33,133 --> 00:02:34,233 - Me, too. 58 00:02:34,233 --> 00:02:35,867 I just remembered why I came down here, Alice. 59 00:02:35,867 --> 00:02:36,867 - Oh yeah? 60 00:02:36,867 --> 00:02:38,433 - Do you remember yesterday you were telling me 61 00:02:38,433 --> 00:02:40,100 that you thought your mother had a slight ulcer? 62 00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:41,100 - Yes. 63 00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:43,000 - Well, I was watching "The Mike Douglas Show" 64 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,533 and he had this doctor on there that was discussing ulcers. 65 00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:46,533 - Mm-hmm. 66 00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:48,834 - He said there are a lot of things that you shouldn't eat. 67 00:02:48,834 --> 00:02:50,734 I copied down some of them on this paper. 68 00:02:50,734 --> 00:02:53,367 - Oh, gee, thanks, Trix. 69 00:02:53,367 --> 00:02:55,700 I'll just jot a note on here of what it's for. 70 00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:57,133 Oh my. 71 00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:58,667 Give it to mother when I see her. 72 00:02:58,667 --> 00:03:00,734 - You should. - That's great. 73 00:03:26,934 --> 00:03:27,967 - Hiya, sweetheart. 74 00:03:27,967 --> 00:03:31,266 - Oh, hi, darling. 75 00:03:31,266 --> 00:03:33,667 - How do I love thee? 76 00:03:33,667 --> 00:03:35,967 Let me count the ways. 77 00:03:35,967 --> 00:03:37,633 - Oh, Ralph, that's beautiful. 78 00:03:37,633 --> 00:03:39,667 What is it, Browning? - Nah. 79 00:03:39,667 --> 00:03:42,433 After work, Grogan took me into Rallies for a beer. 80 00:03:42,433 --> 00:03:46,700 I saw it on a mouthwash commercial. 81 00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:49,266 And how is our favorite neighbor? 82 00:03:49,266 --> 00:03:51,133 - What was the name of that beer you had? 83 00:03:51,133 --> 00:03:53,500 I'd like to get a case for Norton. 84 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,600 - Well, I gotta admit. 85 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,900 I feel pretty good tonight. 86 00:03:57,900 --> 00:04:02,133 Alice, who do you think called me at the bus depot today? 87 00:04:02,133 --> 00:04:03,300 - Who? 88 00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:07,233 - The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler of the Raccoon Lodge. 89 00:04:07,233 --> 00:04:08,934 - Oh. 90 00:04:08,934 --> 00:04:12,633 And what barroom was he calling from? 91 00:04:12,633 --> 00:04:16,400 - Must you always make fun of the Raccoons? 92 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:19,100 It just so happened that the Grand High Exalted Mystic 93 00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:21,900 Ruler said that they have some kind of an honor they 94 00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:25,000 bestow on their members that have been married for 25 years. 95 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,066 - Oh, well what is it? 96 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:27,066 - He didn't know. 97 00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:28,600 This is the first time it's happened. 98 00:04:30,967 --> 00:04:33,033 But he says he's going to look it up. 99 00:04:33,033 --> 00:04:36,266 And he had another sensational idea. 100 00:04:36,266 --> 00:04:38,800 He wants to marry us again. 101 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:42,867 We get remarried at the lodge with everybody in full uniform. 102 00:04:42,867 --> 00:04:44,867 You know, like a military wedding. 103 00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:46,800 - Alice, that sounds like fun. 104 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,433 - Well, I guess so. 105 00:04:48,433 --> 00:04:49,467 I tell you what, Trixie. 106 00:04:49,467 --> 00:04:51,400 I'll do it if you'll be my maid of honor. 107 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,734 - Oh, I'd love it. 108 00:04:52,734 --> 00:04:53,734 - All right. 109 00:04:53,734 --> 00:04:54,734 It's settled. 110 00:04:54,734 --> 00:04:56,867 And Norton can be my best man. - Oh, that's great. 111 00:04:56,867 --> 00:04:57,867 - Terrific. 112 00:04:57,867 --> 00:05:00,133 And I know just the dress I'm going to wear, too. 113 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,166 Come on upstairs, Alice, and I'll show it to you. 114 00:05:02,166 --> 00:05:03,166 - OK. 115 00:05:03,166 --> 00:05:05,033 Ralph, I'll wear my good dress. 116 00:05:05,033 --> 00:05:07,266 But gee, I'll have to let it out a little, because I-- 117 00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:09,133 I put on a couple of pounds. 118 00:05:09,133 --> 00:05:10,767 - You are getting a little belly there. 119 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,467 - Sweetheart, I'll just be a few minutes 120 00:05:15,467 --> 00:05:16,734 and then I'll be down to start your supper. 121 00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:18,200 - OK, lover. - Bye. 122 00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:28,567 - Hey there, Ralphie boy. 123 00:05:47,367 --> 00:05:50,166 Boy, you really are proud of that there mustache, 124 00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:53,667 huh, Ralphie boy? 125 00:05:53,667 --> 00:05:55,433 - Well, just because I've been married 126 00:05:55,433 --> 00:06:01,266 25 years is no reason for me not to be still sexy. 127 00:06:01,266 --> 00:06:05,000 You know, a mustache makes a guy distinguished. 128 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:08,467 It gives a man a sort of an air. You ought to grow one. 129 00:06:08,467 --> 00:06:10,266 - No, I don't need one. 130 00:06:10,266 --> 00:06:12,734 When you work in a sewer, you already got an air about you. 131 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:20,467 - I know what you mean. 132 00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:21,967 I almost forgot. 133 00:06:21,967 --> 00:06:24,100 The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler 134 00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:27,166 is going to remarry Alice and I down at the lodge. 135 00:06:27,166 --> 00:06:29,867 And I want you to be the best man. 136 00:06:29,867 --> 00:06:31,400 - I'll be there, pal of mine. 137 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,433 - Thank you. 138 00:06:33,433 --> 00:06:38,233 I, uh, I suppose that now that my anniversary's getting near, 139 00:06:38,233 --> 00:06:40,900 you are racking your brain as to what to give me. 140 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,300 - Ah, to tell you the truth, Ralph, 141 00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:46,300 I haven't given it much thought. 142 00:06:46,300 --> 00:06:48,500 No, that's not true. 143 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:49,934 I haven't given it any thought. 144 00:06:54,166 --> 00:06:57,900 - Well, give it some thought! 145 00:06:57,900 --> 00:07:00,166 - Ralph, to tell you the truth, at the present time, 146 00:07:00,166 --> 00:07:01,800 I'm a little low on cash. 147 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:03,867 My capital funds are dwindling. 148 00:07:03,867 --> 00:07:07,100 But they-- wait a minute. Wait a minute. 149 00:07:07,100 --> 00:07:09,133 The 25th anniversary-- that's silver, ain't it? 150 00:07:09,133 --> 00:07:11,533 Would you settle for a picture of the Lone Ranger's horse? 151 00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:17,400 - No, I wouldn't! 152 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:21,200 It just so happens I was down Halpern's jewelry store. 153 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,367 He's got a pair of silver cufflinks down there. 154 00:07:23,367 --> 00:07:25,100 You can give me those. 155 00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:27,734 And don't let him talk you into the silver stickpin. 156 00:07:27,734 --> 00:07:30,166 I got Garrity down for that. 157 00:07:30,166 --> 00:07:31,767 - That's what I like about you, Ralph. 158 00:07:31,767 --> 00:07:34,934 You're so easy to shop for. 159 00:07:34,934 --> 00:07:36,667 - You got a pencil? - No. 160 00:07:36,667 --> 00:07:38,433 - Well, there's gotta be one in the drawer. 161 00:07:41,734 --> 00:07:47,066 Hey, get a load of this stuff Alice is knitting. 162 00:07:47,066 --> 00:07:48,567 Somebody must be having a baby. 163 00:07:52,467 --> 00:07:53,900 Get a load of this little sweater. 164 00:07:59,633 --> 00:08:01,767 It looks like a teeny weeny mumu. 165 00:08:04,633 --> 00:08:05,633 Look at that. 166 00:08:05,633 --> 00:08:06,767 - What are these? 167 00:08:06,767 --> 00:08:09,166 - Oh, well those are the two holes for the arms, 168 00:08:09,166 --> 00:08:10,734 and this is the hole for the head. 169 00:08:13,633 --> 00:08:15,667 - He may get his head and his arms through there, 170 00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:18,166 but I don't think he's going to get them out again. 171 00:08:18,166 --> 00:08:19,166 Hey! 172 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,767 Look at these cute little mittens here. 173 00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:23,533 Boy, Ralph, as soon as the kid is born, 174 00:08:23,533 --> 00:08:24,533 you better sign him up. 175 00:08:24,533 --> 00:08:28,100 He's going to be the next heavyweight champ of the world. 176 00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:31,233 - Well, Alice doesn't know too much about knitting. 177 00:08:31,233 --> 00:08:33,200 Probably one of her nieces is having a kid. 178 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:34,600 - Yeah. 179 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:35,900 - No pencil in there. 180 00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:38,033 Well, she usually has one in her apron pocket. 181 00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:46,767 Get a load of this. - What? 182 00:08:46,767 --> 00:08:49,900 - "Diet for mother. 183 00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:54,633 No spicy foods, plenty of milk, no smoking." 184 00:08:54,633 --> 00:08:56,667 Somebody is definitely having a baby. 185 00:09:02,066 --> 00:09:05,867 I wonder who it is. 186 00:09:05,867 --> 00:09:09,266 [LAUGHING] 187 00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:12,467 What are you laughing at? 188 00:09:12,467 --> 00:09:13,467 - Maybe it's Alice. 189 00:09:16,233 --> 00:09:18,066 - What's so funny about that? 190 00:09:18,066 --> 00:09:19,867 Why couldn't Alice have a baby? 191 00:09:19,867 --> 00:09:21,433 - Well, for one thing, you're too old. 192 00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:26,066 - I'm too old? 193 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,667 That's a laugh. 194 00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:31,233 Charlie Chaplin's wife had a kid when he was 70 years old. 195 00:09:31,233 --> 00:09:34,000 If he can do it at his age, I can do it at mine. 196 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,266 - Only if you walk into the bedroom like this. 197 00:09:48,700 --> 00:09:51,734 - You know, it's not so funny at that, her having a baby. 198 00:09:51,734 --> 00:09:54,233 She told me a little while ago she was gettin' fat. 199 00:09:54,233 --> 00:09:56,400 [LAUGHING] 200 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,834 - Getting fat don't mean a thing. 201 00:09:57,834 --> 00:09:59,600 Trixie's mother must weigh 300 pounds. 202 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:02,800 She ain't having no baby. [KNOCKING] 203 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:04,800 - Yeah? 204 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,066 Oh, it's Tommy Manicotti. 205 00:10:07,066 --> 00:10:08,166 What do you want, pal? 206 00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:10,266 - I have a message for Mrs. Kramden. 207 00:10:10,266 --> 00:10:11,400 - Well, what is it? 208 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:14,133 - But I'm only supposed to tell Mrs. Kramden. 209 00:10:14,133 --> 00:10:15,300 - I'm her husband. 210 00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:17,367 You can tell me. 211 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,600 - Well, the doctor just called. 212 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:22,333 Tell Mrs. Kramden the rabbit died. 213 00:10:35,166 --> 00:10:37,734 - Big deal, a rabbit died. 214 00:10:37,734 --> 00:10:38,734 Ah! 215 00:10:42,133 --> 00:10:44,100 Norton! 216 00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:46,433 I'm going to be a father! 217 00:10:46,433 --> 00:10:48,266 - You're going to adopt the rabbit's kids? 218 00:10:52,166 --> 00:10:53,200 - Don't you get it? 219 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,934 The rabbit died! 220 00:10:55,934 --> 00:10:57,800 That's a test to give pregnant women. 221 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,166 If the rabbit dies, they're pregnant. 222 00:11:00,166 --> 00:11:05,133 I heard Marcus Wilby explain it to Vera Milesden. 223 00:11:05,133 --> 00:11:06,233 - Congratulations, Ralph! 224 00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,066 That's terrific. Come on. 225 00:11:08,066 --> 00:11:10,000 Let's go upstairs and tell Alice the good news. 226 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,934 - Are you crazy? 227 00:11:12,934 --> 00:11:13,900 I can't tell her. 228 00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:16,000 She's got to tell me. 229 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,734 This is one of the big moments in a woman's life. 230 00:11:18,734 --> 00:11:19,734 - Good thinking, Ralph. 231 00:11:19,734 --> 00:11:20,734 Good thinking. 232 00:11:20,734 --> 00:11:23,734 Well, now that we know that Alice is definitely pregnant, 233 00:11:23,734 --> 00:11:25,233 the next question is rather obvious. 234 00:11:25,233 --> 00:11:26,734 - What's that? - Who do you suspect? 235 00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:37,033 - Don't ever say that, even in joking. 236 00:11:37,033 --> 00:11:38,767 Alice wouldn't even look at another man. 237 00:11:38,767 --> 00:11:41,100 - Oh, come on. Let's face it, Ralph. 238 00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,567 You go bowling three nights a week. 239 00:11:42,567 --> 00:11:44,033 Two nights a week, you shoot pool. 240 00:11:44,033 --> 00:11:45,734 One night a week, you go to the Raccoons. 241 00:11:45,734 --> 00:11:47,233 And the other night, you play poker. 242 00:11:47,233 --> 00:11:49,533 I mean, that don't leave too much time for hanky panky. 243 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,533 - Wait a minute! 244 00:11:54,533 --> 00:11:57,100 Remember last April when the pool room burned down? 245 00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:58,100 - Yeah. 246 00:11:58,100 --> 00:12:00,767 - It was very early, the shank of the evening. 247 00:12:00,767 --> 00:12:01,800 But I went home anyway. 248 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,033 I figured Alice was alone. 249 00:12:03,033 --> 00:12:05,333 She was lonely. 250 00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:08,100 That could have been the night that started the whole thing. 251 00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:09,133 - You're right, there. 252 00:12:09,133 --> 00:12:11,133 I remember that night. I called up Trixie. 253 00:12:11,133 --> 00:12:12,967 I said, Trixie, I'm coming home early. 254 00:12:12,967 --> 00:12:14,667 She said, what happened? The pool room burn down? 255 00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:20,333 - Just think, Norton. 256 00:12:20,333 --> 00:12:22,934 In a little while, there will be another Ralphie running around 257 00:12:22,934 --> 00:12:24,767 here. 258 00:12:24,767 --> 00:12:26,867 And I'm not forgettin' you, Norton. 259 00:12:26,867 --> 00:12:28,934 I want you to be the godfather. 260 00:12:31,867 --> 00:12:35,300 [SINGING THE GODFATHER THEME] 261 00:12:38,233 --> 00:12:40,600 - Ralph, you're making me an offer I can't refuse. 262 00:12:50,433 --> 00:12:53,734 - I don't mean that kind of a godfather. 263 00:12:53,734 --> 00:12:56,934 I mean, I want you to be the godfather of my son, 264 00:12:56,934 --> 00:12:59,700 so in case anything happens to me, you can bring him up. 265 00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:00,767 - No, no. 266 00:13:00,767 --> 00:13:03,266 I don't want to bring up no kid, Ralph. 267 00:13:03,266 --> 00:13:04,734 - You don't want to bring up a kid? 268 00:13:04,734 --> 00:13:05,800 - Nah, too old. 269 00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:09,400 - Do you realize what it is, bringing up a kid, Norton? 270 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:12,867 Why, you'll hear the first words he has to say-- 271 00:13:12,867 --> 00:13:14,633 "Dada." 272 00:13:14,633 --> 00:13:17,800 And when he starts to crawl and gets up to walk, 273 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,767 he'll fall down and scrape his knee. 274 00:13:19,767 --> 00:13:22,967 But you'll pat him on the back and teach him how to be brave. 275 00:13:22,967 --> 00:13:25,300 And when he goes down for his first haircut, 276 00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:27,100 you'll buy him an ice cream cone so he 277 00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:29,800 won't cry when the barber cuts around his ears. 278 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,300 And when he says his first prayers, 279 00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:34,800 you'll be right there with him, Norton, alongside, 280 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,066 kneeling by the bed. 281 00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:39,734 And when the Little League season starts, 282 00:13:39,734 --> 00:13:41,967 you can buy a glove and have catch with him, 283 00:13:41,967 --> 00:13:44,233 teach him how to slide into second. 284 00:13:44,233 --> 00:13:45,300 - Ralph, I want that kid. 285 00:13:47,667 --> 00:13:48,667 - It's all settled. 286 00:13:48,667 --> 00:13:50,867 You'll be the godfather of my son. 287 00:13:50,867 --> 00:13:54,400 If anything happens to me, you raise the kid. 288 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,734 [SOBBING] 289 00:13:58,133 --> 00:13:59,200 What are you crying for? 290 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,700 I told you, if anything happens to me, you can raise the kid. 291 00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:02,700 - I know, I know. 292 00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:04,467 But with my luck, nothing will happen to you! 293 00:14:10,867 --> 00:14:11,867 - Huh? 294 00:14:11,867 --> 00:14:12,867 Oh. 295 00:14:12,867 --> 00:14:15,033 555-2626. 296 00:14:15,033 --> 00:14:17,033 Yeah. I'll call you later. 297 00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:21,867 - Hiya, sweetie. - Oh, hi, darling. 298 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,633 Ralph, thank you, angel, for the phone. 299 00:14:30,633 --> 00:14:33,100 You know how long I've wanted one. 300 00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:35,633 - Oh, that's OK. 301 00:14:35,633 --> 00:14:37,000 You can never tell when you might 302 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,600 need a phone in an emergency. 303 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,900 - What kind of an emergency? 304 00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:43,900 - Well, you know, you might need a doctor 305 00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:45,900 in the middle of the night. 306 00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:47,800 - Ralph, the only place you can get a doctor 307 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:51,367 in the middle of the night is on "The Johnny Carson Show." 308 00:14:51,367 --> 00:14:55,200 And that's another thing I've always wanted: a TV set. 309 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,600 - Say no more, sweetheart. 310 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:57,600 You got it. 311 00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,600 Do you want a black and white or a color? 312 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:02,100 - Oh, you better start me off on black and white. 313 00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:05,934 I don't think I'm ready for the big time yet. 314 00:15:05,934 --> 00:15:08,500 Ralph, I don't know what's come over you lately. 315 00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:11,066 But thank you, darling. 316 00:15:11,066 --> 00:15:13,967 And I have a little surprise for you. 317 00:15:13,967 --> 00:15:15,767 But you are not going to find out 318 00:15:15,767 --> 00:15:19,333 about it until the day of our anniversary. 319 00:15:19,333 --> 00:15:24,533 - I am waiting with baited breath. 320 00:15:24,533 --> 00:15:26,667 - You sit there and relax. I'll start your supper. 321 00:15:26,667 --> 00:15:28,200 - All right, sweetheart. 322 00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:44,100 - Ralph, what is the matter? 323 00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:45,100 - Oh, nothing. 324 00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:48,100 I was just admiring your fantastic shape. 325 00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:51,934 I'm sure other men have admired your fantastic shape. 326 00:15:51,934 --> 00:15:54,033 - Only the ice man. 327 00:15:54,033 --> 00:15:57,166 But you know how romantic those Latins are. 328 00:15:59,900 --> 00:16:01,400 - You know, you ought to sit down. 329 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,633 All this running around is going to make you tired. 330 00:16:03,633 --> 00:16:06,033 - Oh, not now, Ralph, I have to get your supper. 331 00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:08,300 You know, these frozen dinners don't get out of the box 332 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:11,300 by themselves. 333 00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:14,834 And besides, why should I rest? 334 00:16:14,834 --> 00:16:18,867 - That's for you to know and for me to find out. 335 00:16:18,867 --> 00:16:21,767 [PHONE RINGING] 336 00:16:22,767 --> 00:16:25,700 Hello? 337 00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:27,600 Hello! 338 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:31,567 Will you tell him to turn that jukebox off?! 339 00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:34,000 Who is this?! 340 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:38,433 The Grand-- it's the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler. 341 00:16:38,433 --> 00:16:40,166 Yes, your Eminence? 342 00:16:42,467 --> 00:16:43,467 What? 343 00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:48,667 Oh, yes, your Excellence. 344 00:16:48,667 --> 00:16:49,800 Yes. 345 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,166 Thank you. 346 00:16:51,166 --> 00:16:52,166 Thank you. 347 00:16:55,033 --> 00:16:59,900 Well, I guess you won't be making fun of the Raccoons 348 00:16:59,900 --> 00:17:01,066 anymore. 349 00:17:01,066 --> 00:17:02,066 - Why? 350 00:17:02,066 --> 00:17:04,800 - That was the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler. 351 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:09,200 And the Raccoons, as a little gift, are going to send you 352 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,667 and me on a two-week vacation. 353 00:17:11,667 --> 00:17:13,166 - Ralph, how marvelous! 354 00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:14,934 Where to? - Guess. 355 00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,700 - Miami Beach. - Mm-mm. 356 00:17:16,700 --> 00:17:18,600 - Las Vegas. - Nah. 357 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,166 - Hawaii. - Mm-mm. 358 00:17:20,166 --> 00:17:21,567 - Oh, come on, Ralph. Tell me. 359 00:17:21,567 --> 00:17:23,700 I can't stand the suspense. 360 00:17:23,700 --> 00:17:29,133 - We are going to spend two glorious weeks at the Raccoon 361 00:17:29,133 --> 00:17:30,900 National Cemetery. 362 00:17:37,266 --> 00:17:39,400 It's in Bismarck, North Dakota. 363 00:17:42,033 --> 00:17:44,000 Of course, it's European plan. 364 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,600 That means no meals. 365 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:50,266 - Well, I didn't expect a cemetery to have room service. 366 00:17:50,266 --> 00:17:52,700 - Well, we won't stay in the cemetery. 367 00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:55,834 We're going to stay at the Raccoon's old folks' home. 368 00:17:55,834 --> 00:17:57,333 It's right near a pond. 369 00:17:57,333 --> 00:17:59,667 There will be fishing, boating, swimming. 370 00:17:59,667 --> 00:18:01,900 - Well, doesn't sound too bad. 371 00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:03,734 - Oh, we'll have a ball. 372 00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:05,533 - Gee, there's just one problem, Ralph. 373 00:18:05,533 --> 00:18:06,967 Do you suppose they could possibly 374 00:18:06,967 --> 00:18:09,533 make that a trip for three, in case a third party should 375 00:18:09,533 --> 00:18:10,533 join us? 376 00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:18,233 - You mean a third party might join us? 377 00:18:18,233 --> 00:18:19,233 - Yeah. 378 00:18:19,233 --> 00:18:22,100 - Well, I think that could be arranged. 379 00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:24,033 If the Raccoons won't pick up the bill, 380 00:18:24,033 --> 00:18:25,867 I will, for the third party. 381 00:18:25,867 --> 00:18:26,867 - Oh, Ralph. 382 00:18:26,867 --> 00:18:29,266 You're a doll. 383 00:18:29,266 --> 00:18:33,767 - By the way, any idea when this third party might be arriving? 384 00:18:33,767 --> 00:18:35,500 - Oh, sure. Any minute now. 385 00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:36,500 - Any minute? 386 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:39,700 - Yeah. 387 00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:41,567 She's on her way over. 388 00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:43,100 - Who's on her way over? 389 00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:46,033 - My mother. 390 00:18:46,033 --> 00:18:48,500 - You mean your mother is the third party you want 391 00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:51,066 to take on my second honeymoon? - Well, of course. 392 00:18:51,066 --> 00:18:53,667 Who did you think I was talking about? 393 00:18:53,667 --> 00:18:55,066 - Well, I thought you were-- 394 00:18:55,066 --> 00:18:56,900 you know, about the, uh-- 395 00:18:56,900 --> 00:18:58,767 [KNOCKING] - Now, Ralph. 396 00:18:58,767 --> 00:18:59,767 That's mother now. 397 00:18:59,767 --> 00:19:00,900 And you be nice to her. 398 00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:02,033 - How can I be nice to her? 399 00:19:02,033 --> 00:19:04,800 We're natural enemies. 400 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,400 A rattlesnake and a mongoose. 401 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:08,800 - Now, listen here, Ralph. 402 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,567 Don't you start anything with my mother. 403 00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:11,967 - I won't have to start anything. 404 00:19:11,967 --> 00:19:15,400 She'll handle the whole thing, the dirty, old... 405 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,100 And look, don't you say a thing about our honeymoon. 406 00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:20,200 All of a sudden, I can't afford a third party. 407 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,133 [KNOCKING] 408 00:19:22,133 --> 00:19:23,266 She even knocks nasty. 409 00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:27,500 - Oh, mother. 410 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:28,467 Come on in. 411 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,700 Oh, it's so good to see you. 412 00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:41,200 - It's good to see you. 413 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:42,200 Oh. 414 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,533 I see we're not alone. 415 00:19:45,533 --> 00:19:47,633 I thought you said he lost weight. 416 00:19:47,633 --> 00:19:51,834 He still looks fat to me. 417 00:19:51,834 --> 00:19:53,500 What's all that dirt under his nose? 418 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,200 - Mother, dear, why don't you sit down 419 00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,467 and I'll get you a cup of tea. 420 00:19:59,467 --> 00:20:02,266 I have the water on. 421 00:20:02,266 --> 00:20:06,266 - Oh, we said you should have married Teddy Bennett. 422 00:20:06,266 --> 00:20:09,533 - For your information, Teddy Bennett is dead. 423 00:20:09,533 --> 00:20:11,700 - Well, at least he's in heaven. 424 00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:16,800 And even if he went to the other place, 425 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,867 he's living a lot better than this. 426 00:20:19,867 --> 00:20:21,867 - Mother, you apologize to Ralph this minute. 427 00:20:21,867 --> 00:20:25,433 - No, that isn't necessary, Alice. 428 00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:29,633 Why, I'm delighted to be in the presence of a celebrity-- 429 00:20:29,633 --> 00:20:31,300 the star of "Jaws." 430 00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:39,533 - I take that from whence it comes, Moby Dick. 431 00:20:44,066 --> 00:20:48,567 I am so tired from climbing up these three flights of stairs. 432 00:20:48,567 --> 00:20:52,133 Your sister Helen has an elevator in her building. 433 00:20:52,133 --> 00:20:55,633 But then, her husband is successful in the investment 434 00:20:55,633 --> 00:20:56,800 business. 435 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,934 - He's an assistant bookmaker. 436 00:21:02,367 --> 00:21:05,834 - Well, all I know is, she has an electric washing machine, 437 00:21:05,834 --> 00:21:08,867 an electric refrigerator, an electric dishwasher, 438 00:21:08,867 --> 00:21:12,367 and an electric garbage disposal. 439 00:21:12,367 --> 00:21:16,066 Is there one thing around here electric you can show me? 440 00:21:16,066 --> 00:21:18,467 - How would you like to see an electric chair? 441 00:21:27,233 --> 00:21:29,200 - Mother, dear, here's your tea. 442 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,633 - Oh, thank you, Alice. 443 00:21:31,633 --> 00:21:33,100 Could I have some sugar? 444 00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:35,166 - Ralph, you want to get me the sugar bowl? 445 00:21:35,166 --> 00:21:36,166 [GRUNTS] 446 00:21:45,133 --> 00:21:46,633 - I'd like two lumps. 447 00:21:56,300 --> 00:21:59,033 - Ooh, would I like to give you two lumps. 448 00:22:07,066 --> 00:22:11,767 - I see Woolworth still sells the same spoons. 449 00:22:11,767 --> 00:22:13,533 Oh, I've got to go. 450 00:22:13,533 --> 00:22:15,500 I didn't realize it was so late. 451 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:19,600 - Well, time flies when you're having fun. 452 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,400 - When I'm at your sister Helen's house, 453 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,166 her husband always takes me home. 454 00:22:24,166 --> 00:22:26,700 He drives a foreign car. 455 00:22:26,700 --> 00:22:30,300 - I drive a foreign bus: none of my passengers speak English. 456 00:22:38,934 --> 00:22:42,000 - Well, I guess I'll just have to take a taxi. 457 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:43,033 - Why take a taxi? 458 00:22:43,033 --> 00:22:44,367 Why don't you ride home on this? 459 00:22:49,734 --> 00:22:52,100 - Ralph, how dare you? 460 00:22:52,100 --> 00:22:53,633 - That's all right, Alice. 461 00:22:53,633 --> 00:22:56,900 Your sister's husband said the same thing to me-- 462 00:22:56,900 --> 00:23:01,300 except he said it with an electric vacuum cleaner. 463 00:23:01,300 --> 00:23:04,100 - Mother, I'll just see you downstairs. 464 00:23:04,100 --> 00:23:05,834 I'll talk to you later, Ralph. 465 00:23:31,867 --> 00:23:33,700 - What do you want? 466 00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:34,834 - What's the matter, Ralph? 467 00:23:34,834 --> 00:23:35,834 What did I do? 468 00:23:35,834 --> 00:23:37,433 - I'm sorry, Norton. 469 00:23:37,433 --> 00:23:40,600 Alice's mother was just here. 470 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,300 We're natural enemies. 471 00:23:42,300 --> 00:23:43,433 - Well, I know that. 472 00:23:43,433 --> 00:23:47,400 Like the rattlesnakes and the mongeeses. 473 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,266 - You know, she's hated me from the day 474 00:23:49,266 --> 00:23:52,266 that I met Alice and married her. 475 00:23:52,266 --> 00:23:55,867 You know, for the first little while after we got married, 476 00:23:55,867 --> 00:23:58,033 we stayed with her mother. 477 00:23:58,033 --> 00:24:00,333 Those were eight of the lousiest years of my life. 478 00:24:03,066 --> 00:24:05,266 - Well, I can understand that, Ralph. 479 00:24:05,266 --> 00:24:07,200 Say-- - What's in that box? 480 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:08,633 - Is Alice going to be gone for a while? 481 00:24:08,633 --> 00:24:09,633 - Yeah. 482 00:24:09,633 --> 00:24:10,767 She'll be down on the stoop talking 483 00:24:10,767 --> 00:24:12,500 with her mother about me for an hour. 484 00:24:12,500 --> 00:24:13,800 - Tell you what we've got here. 485 00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,033 We've got the expectant father's kit. 486 00:24:16,033 --> 00:24:18,100 I got everything. I got everything here. 487 00:24:18,100 --> 00:24:19,934 I got the baby powder. 488 00:24:19,934 --> 00:24:22,533 I got the diapers. 489 00:24:22,533 --> 00:24:25,166 I got the safety pins. 490 00:24:25,166 --> 00:24:26,867 Got this here doll to practice with. 491 00:24:26,867 --> 00:24:28,600 Now, see, Ralph, the most important thing 492 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,066 a new father has to know is how to change a diaper. 493 00:24:31,066 --> 00:24:33,100 - Yeah, I guess that would be pretty important. 494 00:24:33,100 --> 00:24:34,100 - Yeah. 495 00:24:34,100 --> 00:24:35,600 Now, the first thing is, you must think 496 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,233 of this doll as your baby. 497 00:24:38,233 --> 00:24:40,934 So we'll, uh-- we'll call the doll Baby Ralph. 498 00:24:40,934 --> 00:24:42,200 All right? 499 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,934 Say hello to Baby Ralph, Ralph. 500 00:24:44,934 --> 00:24:46,367 - Come on. 501 00:24:46,367 --> 00:24:48,567 - Say hello to Baby Ralph, Ralph. 502 00:24:48,567 --> 00:24:51,767 - Oh, Baby Ralph. 503 00:24:51,767 --> 00:24:54,200 - Now, Baby Ralph, say hello to your father. 504 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:55,433 (SPEAKING IN BABY VOICE) Dada. 505 00:24:58,266 --> 00:24:59,700 - Hey! 506 00:24:59,700 --> 00:25:01,033 That's pretty good. 507 00:25:01,033 --> 00:25:02,367 - Thanks. 508 00:25:02,367 --> 00:25:04,967 The main thing is for a new father to know 509 00:25:04,967 --> 00:25:06,033 is to put the diaper on. 510 00:25:06,033 --> 00:25:07,900 Put the diaper on the right part of the baby. 511 00:25:07,900 --> 00:25:10,300 - Well, I think I have a vague idea where that is. 512 00:25:10,300 --> 00:25:11,900 - Now, it helps to, uh-- 513 00:25:11,900 --> 00:25:13,834 well, it helps if you think as the baby's head 514 00:25:13,834 --> 00:25:16,600 as being in Florida and his lower extremities as being 515 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,500 in the Bahama islands. 516 00:25:18,500 --> 00:25:19,867 Therefore, the area to be covered 517 00:25:19,867 --> 00:25:22,033 will be known as the Bermuda Triangle. 518 00:25:31,333 --> 00:25:33,734 - Will you put that on him before he's too old to wear it? 519 00:25:33,734 --> 00:25:35,133 - All right. 520 00:25:35,133 --> 00:25:39,700 Now, of course, we sprinkle the area liberally with powder. 521 00:25:39,700 --> 00:25:40,967 Hang the expense, generously. 522 00:25:40,967 --> 00:25:44,400 Here we go. 523 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:45,900 And over like that. 524 00:25:57,734 --> 00:25:59,200 - Will you get on with it?! 525 00:26:07,567 --> 00:26:09,100 - Don't worry about a thing, Ralphie. 526 00:26:09,100 --> 00:26:11,600 Heals very rapidly. 527 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,467 Now put her in her place. 528 00:26:13,467 --> 00:26:15,500 Group one here. Ready on the left. 529 00:26:15,500 --> 00:26:18,133 Ready on the right. 530 00:26:18,133 --> 00:26:19,400 Will you hold this here, Ralph? 531 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,867 I've got to see-- just hold it. 532 00:26:21,867 --> 00:26:25,333 Hold it, hold it. 533 00:26:25,333 --> 00:26:26,800 There we go. 534 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:27,800 - Ah! 535 00:26:30,233 --> 00:26:32,200 [YELLING] 536 00:26:39,066 --> 00:26:40,533 What's the matter with you?! 537 00:26:40,533 --> 00:26:43,100 - Nothing-- I thought you wanted the baby to be brave. 538 00:26:43,100 --> 00:26:44,700 - Well, watch where you're putting the pins. 539 00:26:44,700 --> 00:26:45,700 - All right. All right. 540 00:26:45,700 --> 00:26:46,700 All right. Calm down. 541 00:26:46,700 --> 00:26:47,867 Calm down. 542 00:26:47,867 --> 00:26:49,600 Now, another very important thing to know 543 00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:51,633 is that your diaper is absorbent. 544 00:26:51,633 --> 00:26:54,633 It's an Absorbo diaper, made by the Absorbo people 545 00:26:54,633 --> 00:26:57,100 in Teaneck, New Jersey. 546 00:26:57,100 --> 00:26:59,700 Give me a pitcher of water. 547 00:26:59,700 --> 00:27:01,533 I seen this on a television commercial. 548 00:27:01,533 --> 00:27:02,533 Get a pitcher. 549 00:27:02,533 --> 00:27:03,734 Hey! 550 00:27:03,734 --> 00:27:05,500 Who's getting a pitcher of wah-wah? 551 00:27:05,500 --> 00:27:08,767 (SPEAKING IN BABY VOICE) Dada. 552 00:27:08,767 --> 00:27:11,066 Hey, Ralph, I think me and the kid got an act going. 553 00:27:11,066 --> 00:27:12,066 - That's nice. 554 00:27:12,066 --> 00:27:13,900 I'll get you booked in the nuthouse. 555 00:27:13,900 --> 00:27:15,600 - Yeah. 556 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,834 Now then, seen this on a TV commercial. 557 00:27:18,834 --> 00:27:22,000 You just pour the water right in there. 558 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:23,000 Oh, come on. Come on. 559 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,500 I told you I've seen this on TV, on a television commercial. 560 00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:27,166 Pour it in. - All right. 561 00:27:27,166 --> 00:27:28,166 Now what? 562 00:27:28,166 --> 00:27:29,867 - Now-- now, this-- 563 00:27:44,100 --> 00:27:46,567 [LAUGHING] 564 00:27:46,567 --> 00:27:47,667 The joke's on me, Ralph. 565 00:27:47,667 --> 00:27:50,834 I used the wrong diaper. 566 00:27:50,834 --> 00:27:52,800 - Out! 567 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:53,800 Out! 568 00:28:07,767 --> 00:28:10,266 - Hey, Alice, we have to be at the beauty parlor in a half 569 00:28:10,266 --> 00:28:11,266 hour. - Yeah, I know. 570 00:28:11,266 --> 00:28:12,333 I'm almost finished. 571 00:28:12,333 --> 00:28:14,767 I'm just making a punch for the wedding reception tomorrow. 572 00:28:14,767 --> 00:28:16,800 - Oh. Can I have a taste? 573 00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:18,367 - Oh, yeah. 574 00:28:18,367 --> 00:28:21,066 Tell me what you think. 575 00:28:21,066 --> 00:28:22,066 - Oh, that's very good. 576 00:28:22,066 --> 00:28:24,066 What's in it? 577 00:28:24,066 --> 00:28:26,467 - Right now, it's just grape juice, sugar, and water. 578 00:28:26,467 --> 00:28:29,100 - Well, that's a little tame for a wedding reception, isn't it? 579 00:28:29,100 --> 00:28:31,400 - Oh, sure, but my recipe calls for putting in 4 quarts 580 00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:32,400 of vodka. 581 00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,000 But I'm not going to put that in until just 582 00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:35,033 before we leave tomorrow. 583 00:28:35,033 --> 00:28:36,066 - Oh. 584 00:28:36,066 --> 00:28:38,700 Well, you shouldn't have to make the punch for your own wedding 585 00:28:38,700 --> 00:28:39,700 reception. 586 00:28:39,700 --> 00:28:42,934 - Oh, my dear, it was a royal command. 587 00:28:42,934 --> 00:28:45,200 I got a call from the head of the Raccoons-- 588 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:49,767 the Grand High Exalted Mystic Weirdo himself. 589 00:28:49,767 --> 00:28:52,300 He wanted me to make the same punch that I made for a dance 590 00:28:52,300 --> 00:28:53,300 they had last year. 591 00:28:53,300 --> 00:28:56,000 - Oh, his Royal Highness must have liked it. 592 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:57,000 - He sure did. 593 00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:00,633 He fell in the punchbowl three times. 594 00:29:00,633 --> 00:29:01,633 Wait a minute, Trix. 595 00:29:01,633 --> 00:29:03,400 I'll get this stuff put away and then we can go. 596 00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:04,400 - All right, good. 597 00:29:09,133 --> 00:29:11,000 - Lo! 598 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:12,834 What have we here? 599 00:29:12,834 --> 00:29:15,567 - Oh, I'm making the punch for the wedding reception tomorrow. 600 00:29:15,567 --> 00:29:18,500 The head of the Raccoons called and asked me to make it. 601 00:29:18,500 --> 00:29:22,433 - Do you mean that the Grand High Exalted Mystic 602 00:29:22,433 --> 00:29:25,767 Ruler called you up personally? 603 00:29:25,767 --> 00:29:28,066 Do you know what an honor that is? 604 00:29:28,066 --> 00:29:32,734 You're probably the first woman he's spoke to in a year. 605 00:29:32,734 --> 00:29:37,233 - How very lucky for his wife. Excuse me, Ralph. 606 00:29:37,233 --> 00:29:40,100 Trixie and I have to go to Mr. Bruce's to get our hair done. 607 00:29:40,100 --> 00:29:42,066 And I don't have any money, and I didn't really 608 00:29:42,066 --> 00:29:46,100 want to ask you. - Tut, tut, tut, tut, tut, tut. 609 00:29:46,100 --> 00:29:47,166 Here you are, sweetheart. 610 00:29:47,166 --> 00:29:49,066 - Oh, and on the way, I wanted to stop and get 611 00:29:49,066 --> 00:29:50,467 a bag and gloves. 612 00:29:50,467 --> 00:29:51,467 You know. 613 00:29:51,467 --> 00:29:53,500 - Tut, tut, tut. 614 00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:54,533 Here you are, sweetheart. 615 00:29:54,533 --> 00:29:57,200 - And Ralph, I need shoes to match my dress. 616 00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:00,233 - Tut, tut, tutty, tut, tut. 617 00:30:00,233 --> 00:30:02,367 - And I want a mink coat. 618 00:30:02,367 --> 00:30:03,367 - Are you nuts? 619 00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:09,166 - I think I went one tut too far. 620 00:30:09,166 --> 00:30:11,133 - Just get out of here. - Oh, Ralph. 621 00:30:11,133 --> 00:30:12,133 I'll see you later. 622 00:30:12,133 --> 00:30:14,967 Oh, and don't touch those hors d'oeuvres. 623 00:30:14,967 --> 00:30:16,900 The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler 624 00:30:16,900 --> 00:30:20,800 was kind enough to let me make those, too. 625 00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:22,300 [YELLING] 626 00:30:22,300 --> 00:30:25,800 [CRASHING] 627 00:30:31,500 --> 00:30:32,500 Hey, Ralph! 628 00:30:32,500 --> 00:30:33,500 Open up! 629 00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,400 - What's with the piano? 630 00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:53,700 - I brought it down from upstairs to sing you a song. 631 00:30:53,700 --> 00:30:55,767 - Are you crazy? 632 00:30:55,767 --> 00:30:58,000 Carrying a heavy piano like this downstairs? 633 00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,200 You could have hurt yourself. 634 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:00,700 - What, do you think I'm that dumb? 635 00:31:00,700 --> 00:31:01,700 I didn't carry it down. 636 00:31:01,700 --> 00:31:05,033 I let it roll down the stairs by itself. 637 00:31:05,033 --> 00:31:06,867 Now, Ralph, tomorrow's a very important day. 638 00:31:06,867 --> 00:31:08,500 You're going to get remarried, and then 639 00:31:08,500 --> 00:31:10,533 Alice is going to tell you the good news about the baby, 640 00:31:10,533 --> 00:31:11,967 so I wrote a song for the occasion. 641 00:31:11,967 --> 00:31:13,467 Of course, I'm going to play it at the reception 642 00:31:13,467 --> 00:31:15,734 but I thought you'd like to hear it here first. 643 00:31:15,734 --> 00:31:17,467 - Well, thanks, Norton. 644 00:31:17,467 --> 00:31:20,900 But I'm not in any mood for songs. 645 00:31:20,900 --> 00:31:22,834 I'm a little disappointed. 646 00:31:22,834 --> 00:31:24,433 - Disappointed about what? 647 00:31:24,433 --> 00:31:26,467 - Well, I'm getting married tomorrow. 648 00:31:26,467 --> 00:31:30,300 I would have liked to have had, you know, a bachelor party. 649 00:31:30,300 --> 00:31:32,834 - I was going to wait a few days and throw you a baby shower. 650 00:31:35,734 --> 00:31:38,266 - No, I mean a real bachelor party, 651 00:31:38,266 --> 00:31:41,834 with a big cake and a big blonde jumping out of it. 652 00:31:41,834 --> 00:31:44,533 - Maybe I get Mrs. Manicotti to jump out of a large pizza. 653 00:31:48,266 --> 00:31:49,266 - Wait a minute! 654 00:31:49,266 --> 00:31:51,433 - What? 655 00:31:51,433 --> 00:31:54,266 - Why don't we have our own private bachelor party? 656 00:31:54,266 --> 00:31:56,200 We've got booze, plenty of food. 657 00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,066 - Hey, that's a capital idea, Ralph. 658 00:31:58,066 --> 00:31:59,667 - OK. The party's on. 659 00:31:59,667 --> 00:32:01,000 Help yourself to some food. 660 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,433 - Don't mind if I-- oh, it's like picking out wallpaper. 661 00:32:03,433 --> 00:32:05,333 Look at all that. - Yeah. 662 00:32:05,333 --> 00:32:08,367 - There we go. Let's see. 663 00:32:08,367 --> 00:32:09,834 These are goodies. - Yeah. 664 00:32:09,834 --> 00:32:10,834 [GIGGLING] 665 00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:16,633 Will you come on! 666 00:32:20,667 --> 00:32:22,633 - Beautiful. Have a plate. 667 00:32:22,633 --> 00:32:24,967 I got this. 668 00:32:24,967 --> 00:32:27,767 - Wait a minute! 669 00:32:27,767 --> 00:32:30,100 Put that back there. 670 00:32:30,100 --> 00:32:32,433 Must you always be a glutton? 671 00:32:32,433 --> 00:32:35,066 - Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 672 00:32:35,066 --> 00:32:37,333 Ooh, what have we here? What is this here? 673 00:32:37,333 --> 00:32:38,500 - Oh, that's the punch. 674 00:32:38,500 --> 00:32:39,500 Wait a minute. 675 00:32:39,500 --> 00:32:41,000 Let's have a drink. 676 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:42,800 And I want to warn you, pal. 677 00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:44,734 This stuff is strong. 678 00:32:44,734 --> 00:32:48,033 Alice put 4 quarts of vodka in this. 679 00:32:48,033 --> 00:32:49,500 - 4 quarts? 680 00:32:49,500 --> 00:32:50,533 - Well, go ahead and dip. 681 00:32:59,100 --> 00:33:02,633 As that fat guy on television says, 682 00:33:02,633 --> 00:33:04,967 "Mmm, boy, that's good booze!" 683 00:33:20,934 --> 00:33:24,433 [COUGHING] 684 00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:32,400 - It's very delicate. 685 00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:34,400 - Hey, I-- - Replenish. 686 00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:35,500 - Yes. 687 00:33:35,500 --> 00:33:38,433 Why don't you, uh, make me a toast? 688 00:33:38,433 --> 00:33:40,266 You know, something flowery. - All right. 689 00:33:40,266 --> 00:33:41,266 Just a minute. Let me think. 690 00:33:41,266 --> 00:33:42,266 Let me think. 691 00:33:42,266 --> 00:33:44,867 [SPEAKING INCOHERENTLY] 692 00:33:47,133 --> 00:33:50,433 Oh. I got it. 693 00:33:50,433 --> 00:33:52,567 [SPEAKING INCOHERENTLY] 694 00:33:53,567 --> 00:33:54,800 Got it. Here it is. 695 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:56,233 Ready? Down the hatch! 696 00:34:06,567 --> 00:34:09,166 Replenish. 697 00:34:09,166 --> 00:34:12,867 - Can't you, uh, make me some kind of a toast that rhymes? 698 00:34:12,867 --> 00:34:14,166 - I know what you want. I know what you want. 699 00:34:14,166 --> 00:34:15,166 Now listen. Wait a minute. 700 00:34:15,166 --> 00:34:16,166 Hold on. 701 00:34:16,166 --> 00:34:17,200 [SPEAKING INCOHERENTLY] 702 00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:19,767 Here it is. Here's to Alice. 703 00:34:19,767 --> 00:34:21,533 She'll soon be a mother. Here's to Ralph. 704 00:34:21,533 --> 00:34:22,533 He'll soon be a fother. 705 00:34:25,934 --> 00:34:27,200 - A fother? 706 00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:28,567 - Well, you said it had to rhyme. 707 00:34:28,567 --> 00:34:29,767 What do you expect from me? 708 00:34:29,767 --> 00:34:31,767 I'm no Longfellow. Replenish! 709 00:34:35,433 --> 00:34:36,633 - Come on. - Got one. 710 00:34:36,633 --> 00:34:37,633 Got one. 711 00:34:37,633 --> 00:34:38,667 Here's a beauty. 712 00:34:38,667 --> 00:34:41,400 Here's to Ralph, a gentleman and a Raccoon. 713 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:43,834 Here's to Ralph, used to be built like a balloon. 714 00:34:43,834 --> 00:34:45,734 [LAUGHING] 715 00:34:50,433 --> 00:34:52,433 - Beautiful, pal! Beautiful. 716 00:34:52,433 --> 00:34:54,066 - Hold on a minute. 717 00:34:54,066 --> 00:34:55,233 [SLURRING INCOHERENTLY] 718 00:34:55,233 --> 00:34:56,767 - Will you replenish? 719 00:34:56,767 --> 00:35:00,166 - Way-- I'm way ahead of you. 720 00:35:00,166 --> 00:35:02,333 May the gentle breeze caress you. 721 00:35:02,333 --> 00:35:05,467 May the sunshine warm upon your face. 722 00:35:05,467 --> 00:35:08,433 The rains fall soft upon your brow. 723 00:35:08,433 --> 00:35:12,100 And may God hold you always in the palm of his hand. 724 00:35:21,333 --> 00:35:24,166 - (SLURRING) Norton, that was beautiful. 725 00:35:24,166 --> 00:35:26,200 Did you write that? 726 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,967 - (SLURRING) No, it's written on the side of this cheese jar. 727 00:35:34,266 --> 00:35:36,600 Guy's name that wrote it is Cheddar. 728 00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:38,066 - Cheddar. 729 00:35:38,066 --> 00:35:41,000 [LAUGHTER] 730 00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:42,533 - Replenish! 731 00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:50,834 (SINGING WITH SLURRED SPEECH) Cheddar, cheddar! 732 00:35:50,834 --> 00:35:52,834 Cheddar, cheddar, cheddar! 733 00:36:09,834 --> 00:36:10,834 - Replenish! 734 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:21,867 - (SINGING) Maybe I'm right, and maybe I'm wrong. 735 00:36:21,867 --> 00:36:25,433 Maybe I'm right, well maybe I'm wrong. 736 00:36:25,433 --> 00:36:30,567 But nevertheless, I'm in love with you. 737 00:36:30,567 --> 00:36:32,367 [SCATTING] 738 00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:38,300 That was Alice and my song. 739 00:36:38,300 --> 00:36:40,567 Wherever we went, I used to tip the waiter, you know, 740 00:36:40,567 --> 00:36:41,767 half a buck or something. 741 00:36:41,767 --> 00:36:45,066 I'd say, "Tell the band to play our song." 742 00:36:45,066 --> 00:36:46,066 He used to play it. 743 00:37:00,300 --> 00:37:01,300 What are you doing? 744 00:37:01,300 --> 00:37:03,633 - That's another trick I learned in the Navy. 745 00:37:03,633 --> 00:37:04,633 - Let me catch one. 746 00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:08,734 Go ahead and throw it. 747 00:37:19,433 --> 00:37:20,433 I missed it. 748 00:37:23,166 --> 00:37:25,600 - No, you didn't. I didn't throw anything. 749 00:37:30,233 --> 00:37:31,834 - Throw something and let me catch it. 750 00:37:31,834 --> 00:37:33,266 - All right. 751 00:37:33,266 --> 00:37:35,633 - Now throw your spinner and I'll watch out for this one. 752 00:37:35,633 --> 00:37:36,633 - I got it. 753 00:37:40,333 --> 00:37:41,834 [OBJECT HITTING PAPER] 754 00:37:47,300 --> 00:37:48,300 Replenish! 755 00:37:56,266 --> 00:37:58,567 - That kid, Norton... 756 00:37:58,567 --> 00:38:00,934 That kid, when he grows up, is gonna-- 757 00:38:00,934 --> 00:38:03,633 he'll own all of this. 758 00:38:03,633 --> 00:38:05,266 - What a lucky kid. 759 00:38:05,266 --> 00:38:07,734 Not even born yet, already he's got his own slum. 760 00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:15,266 - You know, there's no reason he couldn't grow up 761 00:38:15,266 --> 00:38:17,533 to become president. 762 00:38:17,533 --> 00:38:19,867 I might name him Jerry-- 763 00:38:19,867 --> 00:38:20,867 Jerry Kramden. 764 00:38:24,066 --> 00:38:26,033 [SNORING] 765 00:38:27,467 --> 00:38:29,000 You asleep, pal? 766 00:38:29,000 --> 00:39:06,433 [INCOHERENT MUMBLING] 767 00:39:06,433 --> 00:39:08,667 What a lucky guy I am. 768 00:39:13,066 --> 00:39:16,500 [MUSIC PLAYING] 769 00:39:18,967 --> 00:39:21,900 - Will the Raccoon Honor Guard and the guests 770 00:39:21,900 --> 00:39:23,700 please assume their places? 771 00:39:23,700 --> 00:39:25,600 [MURMURING ASSENT] 772 00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:29,200 Music for the wedding ceremony will 773 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:32,266 be provided by Brother Edward Norton on the piano. 774 00:39:32,266 --> 00:39:33,266 Brother Norton! 775 00:39:33,266 --> 00:39:36,767 [APPLAUSE] 776 00:39:38,767 --> 00:39:40,767 [HOWLING] 777 00:39:42,767 --> 00:39:46,900 Now, Brother Norton, you may take your place at the piano. 778 00:39:46,900 --> 00:39:50,900 - Will do, your Mystic Rulership. 779 00:39:50,900 --> 00:39:54,967 - And now, we're ready to begin. 780 00:39:54,967 --> 00:39:58,400 Raccoon Honor Guard, attention! 781 00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:00,000 Raccoons at the ready. 782 00:40:04,066 --> 00:40:05,767 Present arms! 783 00:40:15,467 --> 00:40:19,066 Brother Norton, you may now play the wedding march. 784 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,967 - Will you play the thing?! 785 00:40:25,967 --> 00:40:29,433 [JAZZY PIANO MUSIC] 786 00:40:31,867 --> 00:40:35,333 [PIANO PLAYING WEDDING MARCH] 787 00:40:45,533 --> 00:40:47,834 - Raccoon Honor Guard, at ease. 788 00:40:53,567 --> 00:40:55,834 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here 789 00:40:55,834 --> 00:40:59,200 to join this man and this woman in marriage. 790 00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:02,367 If there is anyone here who knows any reason why 791 00:41:02,367 --> 00:41:05,633 this man and this woman should not be married, 792 00:41:05,633 --> 00:41:09,066 let him speak now or forever hold his peace. 793 00:41:22,834 --> 00:41:25,734 Do you, Alice, take Ralph to be your lawfully wedded husband? 794 00:41:25,734 --> 00:41:26,734 - She does. - I do. 795 00:41:26,734 --> 00:41:29,367 - I mean-- 796 00:41:29,367 --> 00:41:32,000 - Do you, Ralph, take Alice to be your lawfully wedded wife? 797 00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:33,000 - I do. 798 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:34,200 [BLOWING NOSE] 799 00:41:35,500 --> 00:41:36,500 - I'm sorry, Ralph. 800 00:41:36,500 --> 00:41:38,867 I always cry at weddings and Chinese restaurants. 801 00:41:38,867 --> 00:41:41,200 I'm allergic to rice. 802 00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,033 Go ahead. 803 00:41:43,033 --> 00:41:45,266 - Ralph, you may now put the ring on Alice's finger. 804 00:41:45,266 --> 00:41:46,967 - Let me have the ring. - Beg your pardon? 805 00:41:46,967 --> 00:41:48,266 - The ring! - Sing? 806 00:41:48,266 --> 00:41:49,734 - Ring! - Ring. 807 00:41:49,734 --> 00:41:51,667 Oh! 808 00:41:51,667 --> 00:41:52,667 Wait a minute. 809 00:41:52,667 --> 00:41:53,667 I got it. 810 00:42:01,100 --> 00:42:02,100 [YELLING INCOHERENTLY] 811 00:42:02,100 --> 00:42:03,100 I got it! 812 00:42:07,500 --> 00:42:10,867 No, that's my change. 813 00:42:10,867 --> 00:42:12,000 - Repeat after me. 814 00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:13,300 - Repeat after me. 815 00:42:17,667 --> 00:42:19,400 - With this ring, I thee wed. 816 00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:21,166 - With this ring, I thee wed. 817 00:42:21,166 --> 00:42:22,166 - To have and to hold. 818 00:42:22,166 --> 00:42:24,133 - To have and to hold. 819 00:42:24,133 --> 00:42:25,433 - To love and to cherish. 820 00:42:25,433 --> 00:42:26,867 - To love and to cherish. 821 00:42:26,867 --> 00:42:28,100 - Till death do us part. 822 00:42:28,100 --> 00:42:29,300 - Till death do us part. 823 00:42:29,300 --> 00:42:31,100 - I now pronounce you man and wife. 824 00:42:31,100 --> 00:42:32,367 - I now pronounce you-- 825 00:42:35,333 --> 00:42:38,834 [HOOTING AND CHEERING] 826 00:42:44,767 --> 00:42:47,333 - Now, if I may be excused, I must go in 827 00:42:47,333 --> 00:42:51,400 and personally test Mrs. Kramden's famous punch. 828 00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:53,033 - Oh. 829 00:42:53,033 --> 00:42:57,033 Uh, ladies and gentlemen, now that you've 830 00:42:57,033 --> 00:42:59,800 attended the wedding, I know you're all 831 00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:03,467 going to be happy about the surprise announcement 832 00:43:03,467 --> 00:43:07,166 that Alice is going to make. 833 00:43:07,166 --> 00:43:09,233 - What surprise? What surprise, Ralph? 834 00:43:09,233 --> 00:43:10,233 - You can say. 835 00:43:10,233 --> 00:43:12,300 You can-- I saw the baby sweater. 836 00:43:12,300 --> 00:43:13,500 I saw it all. 837 00:43:13,500 --> 00:43:14,500 - Baby sweater? 838 00:43:14,500 --> 00:43:15,500 - Yeah. 839 00:43:15,500 --> 00:43:17,333 - Ralph, that wasn't a baby sweater. 840 00:43:17,333 --> 00:43:18,934 That's a cover for your bowling ball. 841 00:43:21,633 --> 00:43:22,800 - What's the use of kidding? 842 00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:25,266 I saw the thing, the mother's diet. 843 00:43:25,266 --> 00:43:26,400 - The diet for mother? 844 00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:27,400 - Yes. 845 00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:29,900 - That's a diet for my mother's ulcer. 846 00:43:29,900 --> 00:43:31,633 - Your mother's ulcer? 847 00:43:31,633 --> 00:43:32,967 - That's right. 848 00:43:32,967 --> 00:43:36,834 And guess who gave it to me? 849 00:43:36,834 --> 00:43:38,567 - All right. 850 00:43:38,567 --> 00:43:40,033 What about the dead rabbit? 851 00:43:40,033 --> 00:43:41,033 - Oh. 852 00:43:41,033 --> 00:43:42,934 You weren't supposed to know about that. 853 00:43:42,934 --> 00:43:44,266 - Why shouldn't I know about it? 854 00:43:44,266 --> 00:43:46,133 I think I had something to do with it. 855 00:43:46,133 --> 00:43:48,200 - You had absolutely nothing to do with it. 856 00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:53,066 It was all Tommy Manicotti's fault. 857 00:43:53,066 --> 00:43:55,700 - Alice, what are you saying in front of all these people? 858 00:43:55,700 --> 00:43:58,333 - I know you told me not to get too involved with the neighbors 859 00:43:58,333 --> 00:43:59,834 but it was just one of those things. 860 00:43:59,834 --> 00:44:01,100 - Alice! 861 00:44:01,100 --> 00:44:03,266 - Tony Manicotti's such a nice boy. 862 00:44:03,266 --> 00:44:04,567 I just couldn't refuse. 863 00:44:04,567 --> 00:44:06,000 - Alice! 864 00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:08,600 - Well, when I went down the other day, his mother was out, 865 00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:12,433 and he asked me to come in the bedroom. 866 00:44:12,433 --> 00:44:15,700 He said he wanted to show me something. 867 00:44:15,700 --> 00:44:18,033 Ralph, what is the matter with you? 868 00:44:18,033 --> 00:44:19,033 - Never mind him, Alice. 869 00:44:19,033 --> 00:44:22,500 As future godfather, I demand an explanation. 870 00:44:22,500 --> 00:44:24,700 - Well, it's very simple. 871 00:44:24,700 --> 00:44:26,467 I went down the other day, and little Tommy 872 00:44:26,467 --> 00:44:28,700 had gotten a live rabbit for his birthday. 873 00:44:28,700 --> 00:44:30,066 And the rabbit was terribly sick, 874 00:44:30,066 --> 00:44:31,767 and there wasn't anything I could do. 875 00:44:31,767 --> 00:44:34,133 So I took the rabbit and Tommy over to the vet's. 876 00:44:34,133 --> 00:44:37,066 And the vet tried to save him but the poor rabbit died. 877 00:44:37,066 --> 00:44:40,400 - But Ralph thought you were havin' a baby. 878 00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:42,734 - Me? Having a baby? 879 00:44:42,734 --> 00:44:45,967 [LAUGHTER] 880 00:44:47,367 --> 00:44:49,166 - Will somebody help me? 881 00:44:49,166 --> 00:44:52,934 The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler fell in the punch bowl 882 00:44:52,934 --> 00:44:53,934 again! 883 00:44:53,934 --> 00:44:56,400 [YELLING] 884 00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:16,767 [PIANO PLAYING WEDDING MARCH] 885 00:45:17,767 --> 00:45:18,767 - Gee. 886 00:45:25,700 --> 00:45:29,200 - I want to tell you, that band was just great. 887 00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:30,200 - Weren't they terrific? 888 00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:32,333 - Max Sted is the end of the word. 889 00:45:32,333 --> 00:45:34,266 And you were dancing all over the joint. 890 00:45:34,266 --> 00:45:35,533 - I cut up a pretty good rug. 891 00:45:35,533 --> 00:45:37,567 - Yeah. 892 00:45:37,567 --> 00:45:38,900 The only-- 893 00:45:38,900 --> 00:45:39,900 - What? 894 00:45:39,900 --> 00:45:42,967 - The only sad moment was when I had to make a fool of myself 895 00:45:42,967 --> 00:45:44,033 about that kid. 896 00:45:44,033 --> 00:45:45,800 - Aw, cheer up, Ralph. 897 00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:47,033 You got your whole life ahead. 898 00:45:47,033 --> 00:45:48,467 You're in the prime of life. 899 00:45:48,467 --> 00:45:50,200 You look terrific. You got your own hair. 900 00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:51,200 You got your own teeth. 901 00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:53,667 And that there mustache looks terrific on you. 902 00:45:53,667 --> 00:45:57,734 It makes you look like Clark Gable. 903 00:45:57,734 --> 00:45:58,734 - Clark Gable? 904 00:45:58,734 --> 00:45:59,734 - Yeah. 905 00:46:06,567 --> 00:46:10,433 - You know, you're right. 906 00:46:10,433 --> 00:46:12,867 - I got to get upstairs, Ralph. Got to get some sleep. 907 00:46:12,867 --> 00:46:15,667 I got to be in the sewer six o'clock in the morning. 908 00:46:15,667 --> 00:46:18,166 - Why don't you take a day off? - No way. 909 00:46:18,166 --> 00:46:19,700 We're too busy. 910 00:46:19,700 --> 00:46:22,667 We're the one industry that's never hit by a shortage. 911 00:46:22,667 --> 00:46:23,667 Good night, Ralphie boy. 912 00:46:23,667 --> 00:46:24,667 Woo! 913 00:46:28,233 --> 00:46:29,233 - Clark Gable... 914 00:46:29,233 --> 00:46:31,900 How about that? 915 00:46:31,900 --> 00:46:33,233 - Oh, Ralph. 916 00:46:33,233 --> 00:46:34,734 Would you like a glass of warm milk? 917 00:46:34,734 --> 00:46:36,700 - No thank you, sweetheart. 918 00:46:36,700 --> 00:46:38,200 Boy, what a time. 919 00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:40,867 I'm telling you, the food was sensational. 920 00:46:40,867 --> 00:46:42,934 Everybody had a wonderful time. 921 00:46:42,934 --> 00:46:44,166 Band was great. 922 00:46:44,166 --> 00:46:46,400 I never saw you dance like that in my life. 923 00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:48,266 - I don't think I've danced that much since I 924 00:46:48,266 --> 00:46:50,867 was in high school. Oh, Ralph. 925 00:46:50,867 --> 00:46:52,767 Thank you for a perfect evening. 926 00:46:52,767 --> 00:46:54,533 - Nah, that's all right. 927 00:46:59,433 --> 00:47:02,967 [MELANCHOLY MUSIC] 928 00:47:20,700 --> 00:47:24,633 I'm sorry, Alice. 929 00:47:24,633 --> 00:47:28,367 I'm sorry that I made a fool of myself 930 00:47:28,367 --> 00:47:33,133 in front of all those people, talking about a baby. 931 00:47:33,133 --> 00:47:36,066 I couldn't do it in private, where I'd 932 00:47:36,066 --> 00:47:37,900 be a dope just in front of you. 933 00:47:37,900 --> 00:47:39,734 I had to do it in front of a million people. 934 00:47:42,567 --> 00:47:48,700 But Alice, I really wanted a kid. 935 00:47:48,700 --> 00:47:51,700 The only reason I wanted a kid, though, 936 00:47:51,700 --> 00:47:53,567 was because I know it would be exactly 937 00:47:53,567 --> 00:47:56,333 like you when it grew up. 938 00:47:56,333 --> 00:48:01,033 - Ralph, there's no reason we have to stop trying. 939 00:48:07,734 --> 00:48:09,166 - You mean, uh-- 940 00:48:13,133 --> 00:48:14,600 let's go! 941 00:48:31,467 --> 00:48:34,500 - Will you please be quiet out here? 942 00:48:34,500 --> 00:48:36,533 I'm trying to get my beauty rest. 943 00:48:52,433 --> 00:48:53,433 - Oh, Ralph. 944 00:48:53,433 --> 00:48:56,100 I'm so sorry. 945 00:48:56,100 --> 00:48:58,633 I forgot. 946 00:48:58,633 --> 00:49:00,600 When mother left the party, I told her 947 00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:03,433 she could stay here tonight. 948 00:49:03,433 --> 00:49:04,433 Oh, Ralph. 949 00:49:04,433 --> 00:49:07,867 I am so sorry. 950 00:49:07,867 --> 00:49:11,233 I forgot she was here. 951 00:49:11,233 --> 00:49:13,800 Oh, Ralph. 952 00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:15,900 Will you forgive me? 953 00:49:15,900 --> 00:49:18,867 Please? 954 00:49:18,867 --> 00:49:20,734 Oh, Ralph. 955 00:49:20,734 --> 00:49:22,900 Please say something. 956 00:49:22,900 --> 00:49:25,333 - Frankly, sweetheart, I don't give a damn. 957 00:49:37,500 --> 00:49:40,900 [MUSIC PLAYING] 958 00:49:42,834 --> 00:49:47,200 - The part of the mother-in-law was played by Templeton Fox.